Why I gave up the hustle for the 9–5, and feel more fulfilled than ever

Back in April of this year, I moved into an apartment building in Leeds after accepting a new job. Up until very recently, I hadn’t met anyone else in the building and was even beginning to suspect, based on how few people I had come into contact with, that we could actually be one of about 4 tenants in the whole building!

However, that turned out not to be the case — we’re all just hermits in 2021 and prefer to leave our segment of the building only when absolutely necessary. This is especially apparent if you’re still working from home, like me. I found out about a party taking place in one of the resident lounges open for anyone in the building to attend, which seemed like a great (but terrifying if you’re socially awkward like me) way to meet other residents. After a few pep talks to myself and some self-discipline (I genuinely needed to get out of my flat and interact with other humans for my own health), I decided to go.

I turned up quite early and found myself chatting to a young couple who were also early to the party — one of whom, let’s call him Adam, told me that he is an entrepreneur. He was only 18, and I immediately had something in common as I had started my first business when I was 19. In fact, it all felt very familiar in the way he spoke about his determination to never work for someone else and that being your own boss is the superior choice. I remember I had also made a similar promise to myself — to never allow myself to surrender to the “norm” and find myself in a boring office job where my day was always dictated by someone senior to me. Where, no matter how hard I’d worked that month, the same pay check would land in my bank account, and this would repeat itself in an endless loop until I retired.

At the time, I saw it as a sign of failure for myself. In fact, I feared the prospect of employment so much, that I probably put it off a lot longer than I should have done. I was running a very small business, which, it turned out, I didn’t care that much about. I liked the idea of being a successful entrepreneur more than I was committed to the reality of running a business.

My first professional photoshoot for my business cards. Credit: Gavin Forster Photography

There was also an element of wanting to prove myself to others that I could be successful despite the doubts and criticism. A lot of it probably did circulate around what others thought of me, or at least, what I perceived to be what others thought of me.

“If I give up and get a normal job, they’re going to know I’m a failure.”

“If I give up and get a normal job, they’ll laugh and say “I told you so”.”

It was these thoughts and more that held me back when I was on the brink of leaving my little entrepreneurial journey behind and finding comfort in a salaried, supported position. I can’t quite remember exactly how it happened, but there must have been a point when I realised that it was simply the best route for me going forward, at least for now.

I remember that first month’s salary landing in my bank account and finally finding myself able to breathe again. I did always keep saying, “I’m going to start another business, when I’m ready” throughout my entire time at this job, half because I genuinely wanted to, but half because it was a form of self-reassurance that I hadn’t “failed”.

Now, 3 years later, after a raft of half-explored business ideas and unfinished projects, and into my second employed position, I can see what was wrong with my way of thinking. The reasoning behind my thinking was two-fold:

1. The boom of entrepreneurship and its associated glamour, especially on social media, has taken precedent as the “superior way of working”. Think Instagram pictures of young men and women as young as 21 standing in front of their Mercedes and dressed head-to-toe in designer clothing, with a caption along the lines of, “Feeling blessed 🙏” or “Work hard, play hard 💪”. Seems like a pretty attractive proposition, right?
2. I had the wrong idea of a “normal job”. Of course, most jobs are very “normal” in that you turn up to work at a set time, fulfil your job description, and go home when the clock strikes 5. However, with the boom of entrepreneurship follows closely the boom of “intrapreneurship” and employees demanding a better work life with a little more excitement and flexibility than what you might find in a traditional job. Where do you find these jobs, you ask? Tech companies.

I’m incredibly fortunate to have landed myself in a role that is not only well-paid, but with flexibility over where and when I work (within reason, and also dependent on the client), no set job description to tie myself down with, and a flat organisational hierarchy. This doesn’t mean I can barge into the CEO’s office and gain control of the company, of course, but what it does mean is that there are no barriers to putting forward ideas or opinions in line with your position or level of authority. It really is quite refreshing.

I can carve my own role and head down any path I like, with the support of my dedicated mentor and career coach. Not only does this mean I find my job incredibly fun, it’s also very fulfilling. I actually don’t feel so much like an employee, because I don’t feel tied down by any of the things that you might usually find in employment. I feel valued, supported and respected. Had I known that roles like this existed a few years ago, maybe I would have thought differently.

I am extremely lucky to have found a role like this, as I know too well that it’s very rare. In my last job, my old boss couldn’t bear the thought of anyone working from home, as in his eyes, if you aren’t sitting at your desk from 9am to 5pm, you’re not working. Whereas here, I have the flexibility to work from home, from a coffee shop, or from the office on my own terms.

Now, compare this to my life as a self-employed marketer, and they’re miles apart.

This article is in no way written with the intention to put down those who are self-employed — in fact, quite the opposite. It’s an incredibly tough job that requires a certain level of discipline and resilience to handle. Did I have that, particularly the latter, at 19? Probably not, hence why I spent most of the time having panic attacks and breakdowns over difficult clients and the pressure to bring some money in every month.

Of course, I still took the typical ‘coffee and Macbook’ pictures when I could

This anxiety paired with a heavy dose of imposter syndrome meant that I wasn’t managing my work well, either. I’d often sleep in until 10am to catch up from working the night before and keep myself distracted with Keeping Up With the Kardashians until I had mustered the courage to check my emails. It became a vicious cycle of worry and unhappiness.

What this also meant is that I had no real schedule and no real boundary between work and my personal life. My personal life was work, and I found myself scrabbling on a Sunday to make sure I had scheduled a client’s Tweets for the following week and then spending weekday evenings prospecting and networking. All of this, I was doing alone at my dining room table — so you can imagine how lonely this could get. And no, networking doesn’t count as real (genuine) human interaction.

I would never have shared this with someone a few years ago when it was happening, or even shortly after. To be frankly honest, I was embarrassed and ashamed. I felt lazy and like a failure, when in reality, I was just very unhappy. It’s now that I look back in hindsight and I realise what was so desperately wrong with the situation, and that I wasn’t the first and certainly won’t be the last to face this.

Having the realisation that it was time to put a stop to it all and open the next chapter of my life was extremely freeing. What I didn’t realise, however, was how much baggage and damage from this time in my life I’d take with me, and continue to deal with now. Thanks to a fantastic therapist and a steady dose of anti-depressants, I’m regaining a lot more confidence in myself.

Now, I enjoy the immense privilege of having a salary land in my account like clockwork every month, a big and varied team full of interesting and super intelligent people, a fat benefits package and a clear pathway of progression. But of course, it’s still a job, and a job comes with certain responsibilities and obligations that may or may not make someone feel “tied down”.

I don’t plan to live a “normal” life with a “normal” career. I plan to live a varied, exciting and thrilling life and follow the career path where I am fulfilled and happy — regardless of what that looks like. Will I take another leap for the self-employed life? Possibly, but probably alongside other commitments (it’s all about those multiple streams of income) and if the opportunity arises. I won’t force it — I’ve tried that already and it never ends well.

I’m now working on the most exciting and fulfilling project I have been on so far — service design for the NHS. I’m excited to get out of bed every morning to work on this and I’m loving every second of it.

My incredible NHS team in the office last week. I’m third from the left (holding the coffee cup, of course).

Moral of the story: Don’t believe the lies that tell you the 9–5 is dead. Often, the 9–5 isn’t even a 9–5 anymore. It’s an 8–3, or a 10–4 (or whatever hours work best for you). But also, don’t fall for the glamorised image of “entrepreneurship” and “hustle culture”. It’s not for everyone, and that’s perfectly okay. We can still make a huge impact on this planet even if we aren’t donning the “boss babe badge”.